Wednesday, 23 May 2012

The Death of Me

Looks like I'm in for a gigantic reprimand - I lied to you all and for that I am indefinitely sorry!

Unfortunately I bring you rather indecent news...

Firstly, I had so many wonderful things planned for papilio this month and alas May is nearly over so birthday month may have to move

Secondly, not only did I stab you in the back more than once, I simply ignored you and left you hanging.

Thirdly, I might still be playing the part of awfully uncommitted boyfriend for a little while longer.

So where to from this unworthy bump in the road?

One thing is for absolute certain (and I'm not lying) - I finish my university semester in two weeks time - yep that's right, come a fortnight and I will be free of the shackles that try to rule my life. That means more time to casually devour chocolate in my pjs and more importantly more time for papilio.

So here's the deal - I may or may not be back within the week. This shall depend on my level of procrastination and lack of dedication to uni. But be assured I will, with all I have be back in two weeks time.

There has been a buzz around Brisbane recently and I truly love my little city - I'm so very proud of it. I'm like a mother watching her child grow up - although maybe more personally fitting, I'm like the dress tucked away in the back of the wardrobe finally getting her chance to shine.

So no I have not died and I promise you this blog ain't going no where - unless she spreads her wings and somehow manages to pass off as a real butterfly.

I have 6 weeks holiday - I know; I can feel the green paint my screen as you read. I have a lot of things in the pipeline for the wonderfully beautiful June July holidays and I'm really hoping they come into fruition, for I would very much love to share them with you. But I've learnt my lesson and I shall not get ahead of myself and let you know what all these plans are. Plus, we all love a bit of mystery I'm sure.

So until I see you again I wish you plenty of laughs and amazingly wicked times. Find love in all things and live as if each day as if it's your last - oh my! It sounds as though I am writing a goodbye letter to a dear one - whoops! Sometimes I slip into a rather odd version of myself - This one is a little Marianne Dashwood in a sensibility ridden world.

I shall leave you with one of my favourite words of a most loved romantic language. It's perfectly fitting for I shall most certainly 'see you again'

Ciao

Xx

Tuesday, 1 May 2012

It Is Broken


I kind of do this on a somewhat regular basis.... I broke it. I broke my promise that I would be forever chained to three times a week, on time posts... it seems habits really don't die.

Life is destroying my soul right now so I'm going to take a sabbatical from blogging for 2 weeks...

I'm really sorry! More sorry then you can ever imagine actually. This is my little release - my break away from all the destruction university and general life strips away. So really it is a lose lose situation for you and me.
But I really am rather behind and I really do need to get a move on all my assignments or I may very well be entering in yet another year of university I really DO NOT want to have. Plus I may have been struck by motivation to do somewhat well thanks to guest lecturer Benjamin Law - a local freelance journalist whose work is what dreams are made of. Current life decision (which will most likely change) - freelance journalist!

But just so I don't feel like I've completely stabbed you all in the back, maybe more like a somewhat unexpected jab from the side I'm going to divulge a quick little something that has recently been filling up the spaces of my frivolous mind. Unfortunately it is not about fashion OR food but in a sense it's about all things:

Let us talk LIFE - oops! Did I hit on that nerve - that question we all ask at least once in our lifetime - why am I here? what is my purpose on this Earth?

Recently I have been a little philosophical - I have stripped away all the fluff of modern day life and I have come to a happy conclusion for myself -

Take it as it comes.

Life is going to constantly knock me down. Life will always throw all sorts of unwanted dirty at me and it seems it is never ending. I struggle with my inner self on a daily basis and I smile at my life on the occasion as well. Quite often I find myself seeing the positives I can tick off but those negatives still float to the surface.

There are so many things I want to do in this lifetime and I'm constantly struck with this overwhelming fear I will achieve none of those things. I have a lot of self doubt - it may be a result of my upbringing or purely a result of my own masochistic tendencies. But I have realised you cannot plan your life. I'm not one to throw out words like destiny and faith unless there is a negative preceding it. I have always believed you need to work for what you want - things don't always happen for a reason and you are constantly discovering yourself.

What you wanted 10 years ago may not be what you want now. Society places some sort of hold on us - we want to please it, we want to follow its' conventions and rules. But I have realised that we don't need to. All this fluff in life is just that - unwanted particles that cause us to swell and sneeze. Clean up the air and just look around - it's free of dust. All you are left with are the bare bones and the things that really matter. In my little girl dreams all I ever truly wanted (as shallow as this is going to be) was to be rich. Rich in any sort of monetary field. It didn't matter how I was rich - my own ability, an attachment to a money lathered man, some sort of lost inheritance, winning the lottery. For me, money was the only thing that mattered.

Now, I can't be further apart from that. It makes me feel sick actually. I use to want money so bad that it didn't matter if I loved my life or not - because money would solve all my problems - oh how naive I was. Today I see that money is important yes but you only need enough to live how you wish to live.

I have always been focused on me - I can be rather selfish and I have made the decision that in my life - what makes me happy will always be a priority. I can't do something for the sake of my family if it does not make me smile. Family will always be number one in my life but in terms of my life trajectory - well we all need to look at ourselves in the mirror too. I'm not planning out anything - I'm taking the punches as they strike. I have goals but I'm not letting them rule my life - for sometimes they can actually stop you from finding what you are really made for.

I'm going to live the simple life - a life where I'm happy to part it at the end. A life where my days are made up of what I love to do (whatever that may be), a life I am pleased to call my own.


I'll be back for SS on Sunday 13th May - AND remember to look out for those hidden butterflies.

x